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Are you there, world? It's me, Claudia.

Three days in a row?! 

I know, but Monday's was short; yesterday's was fluffy, like a bit of merengue left over on your dessert fork; and today's is technically a follow-up, so does that really count?

Those of you who are faithful peepers into my mind will recall the earlier post where I examine the bizarre role reversal of parent and child in the Kellyanne and George Conway household, courtesy of 15-year-old Claudia. Those who would like to get caught up, feel free to read the post.

Those remaining, or returning, you'll be happy to hear that Kellyanne's and George's ultimate sacrifice, putting their high profile careers on hold to become remedial, full-time parents, has - predictably - been a complete shitshow, with Claudia once again emerging as the star and undisputed champion. Survivor's Jeff Probst makes $8 million a year and can't moderate reality drama like Claudia does for free.

With more than 1 million followers on Tik Tok, Claudia offers a nonstop narrative into her adolescent angst and dysfunctional Beltway existence, including some pretty awesome glimpses of her mom, Bellatrix Le-Stranger, losing her mind. As before, I am not here to weigh in on behalf of Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, Trump or potted fern. I am simply in awe of a real-life character who is every ounce as entertaining (in a 15-car pileup kind of way) as the savage Kate McKinnon impression of her.

A disclaimer: I don't know Tik Tok. I don't watch Tik Tok. The first time I remember hearing about Tik Tok, and actually paying attention, was when Donald Trump announced he was considering banning the service unless it was sold to a US company. The explanation was that China was using, or could use somehow, the platform to...I don't remember exactly. But it was bad. And as we have learned, US companies don't do bad things, only foreign companies.

Now I'm thinking The Donald may have been trying to broker the deal because a 15-year-old dishwater blonde on antidepressants is kicking his ass around the block, around the clock. I'm not kidding: George Conway has been tweeting the idea that Trump is a dangerous Level I narcissist and sociopath for four years, and those bullets glanced off him like Nerf pellets. But Claudia Conway, she is the Black Widow of the (Washington) DC Cinematic Universe.

When did we find out that Kellyanne Conway - allegedly no longer a denizen of the West Wing - tested positive for COVID? When darling Claudia spilled the beans, of course, forcing Kellyanne to confirm, rather than spin, the news.

This New York Post clip shows snippets of an argument between Claudia and Kellyanne, live on camera, as Kellyanne demands her daughter retract the earlier assertion that she had lied about a negative COVID test result. It isn't clear if Claudia was mistaken or merely bullied into saying it was a mistake, but it doesn't matter. What matters is her savvy ability to capture and broadcast the whole thing through the Tik Tok platform, cutting off just as mommy Kellyanne shrieks, "are you still recording me?!"  

I don't have teenagers anymore and I am happy to report my two were never assholes, even when they were teenagers. My son could be sullen at times, and my daughter was a procrastinator like me, but compared to what the Conways are dealing with, every day was Christmas in the Gittelman household. I find it amazing and horrifying and delightful and completely bonkers that Claudia is simultaneously leading all of DC and the 24-hour news media on a Monster-fueled chase while driving her parents, deservingly, into a room with padded walls. 

As for her influence on the forthcoming election, that is something currently being debated, likely in closed door sessions as well as across the Twitterverse. Claudia comments regularly about Trump, urging her followers to vote him out and, well, calling him not-very-nice names. She also said the president's medical condition is worse than what's being depicted. Which, let's face it, is what a lot of people are saying, including doctors. But the fact that this teen has a backstage pass and is saying it is somehow more validating. More validating! We are truly living in Bizarro-World.

Six years ago Donald Trump began his candidacy, which literally millions thought was a publicity stunt, by vowing to "drain the swamp." Today the swamp is many times...swampier? Cabinet and staff positions have been revolving doors, with occupants quitting, being fired, getting indicted, even going to jail. And, most recently, falling ill with COVID-19 thanks, it would seem, to an environment that mocked even the most casual of preventive courtesies. 

So much for draining the swamp, unless the intention was to do drain it, dredge it, and build an even bigger, smellier, more repulsive swamp. 

But we have retained that thirst for the outsider's viewpoint, the independent voice. We still want to hear what people who have nothing to lose have to say about things. Now that we have experienced reading unfiltered, unedited, un-spellchecked rants, fat-fingered directly from a toilet in the White House at all hours of the night and day, we are more than open to hearing from just about anyone with a viewpoint and two thumbs.

Enter Claudia Conway, teen avenger. 


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